Many people, especially those early in their careers struggle with how to develop friendships with the coworkers they like as they navigate a new and unfamiliar environment. What’s even more difficult is forming real friendships, those that last years after you’ve left the company. If you’re struggling to develop genuine friendships at work, here are a few things you can do to improve your situation.

• Offer gestures that say, “I see you.” You might try sending them a message after a meeting to comment on an idea they shared or a question they posed to the group: “Thanks for asking that question during the meeting. I was curious about the same thing but was too nervous to ask!”
• Highlight similarities: Research suggests that we like people who are like us. Instead of highlighting your differences with someone, try to seize opportunities to highlight the things you have in common. This could be anything from your interests to your worldviews.
• Create a casual ritual. Book a recurring check-in that feels unique to the two of you. If you’re newly obsessed with the same reality television show, perhaps you agree to debrief on Monday mornings before your team meeting. If you have both had your eye on the new bestseller, invite your potential friend to read a few chapters a week and discuss over lunch breaks.
• Say the quiet part aloud. After sharing a belly laugh or discovering yet another commonality, offer something that verbally affirms the value this person adds to your life. You might say something like, “It’s so nice meeting someone who appreciates _____ as much as I do.”
• Spend time outside of the work context. Once you’ve taken the time to establish trust and gradually gotten to know one another, the next natural step would be to spend time together outside of work. Changing the social backdrop upon which you normally interact with someone allows you to see others in a new way, and it gives us practice being friends outside of work.