How to Get the Help You Need

People are surprisingly willing to give support—if you ask for it in the right way.

by

Heidi Grant

by

Heidi Grant

From the Magazine (May–June 2018)

Summary.

We’re often reluctant to ask for help because of the social threats involved—uncertainty, risk of rejection, potential for diminished status, relinquishment of authority. But without support from others, it’s virtually impossible to advance in your career. And studies show that most people are surprisingly willing to lend a hand—if you ask in the right way.

The author provides three reinforcements that can be incorporated in requests: (1) In-group: Assure the potential helper that you are on the same team and that the team is important. (2) Positive identity: Create or enhance people’s recognition that they are uniquely placed to provide assistance and that they routinely come to others’ aid. (3) Effectiveness: Be clear about what you need and about what impact the help will have.

Few of us enjoy asking for help. As research in neuroscience and psychology shows, the social threats involved—the uncertainty, risk of rejection, potential for diminished status, and inherent relinquishing of autonomy—activate the same brain regions that physical pain does. And in the workplace, where we’re typically keen to demonstrate as much expertise, competence, and confidence as possible, it can feel particularly uncomfortable to make such requests.

A version of this article appeared in the May–June 2018 issue (pp.142–145) of Harvard Business Review.

Heidi Grant is a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of motivation. Her most recent book is Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You. She’s also the author of Nine Things Successful People Do Differently and No One Understands You and What to Do About It.

How to Get the Help You Need

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