How to Be Resilient in the Face of Harsh Criticism

Most of us have been “feedsmacked” at some point in our life. In the midst of a meeting, an innocent walk down the hallway, or a performance review, someone delivers a verbal wallop that rocks us to our psychological footings. These situations are so tough to handle because we all have two fundamental psychological needs: safety (perceived physical, social, or material security) and worth (a sense of self-respect, self-regard or self-confidence). Critical feedback feels traumatic because it’s often interpreted as a threat to these needs. Fortunately, there are four skills that will help you reduce the perceived threat in the moment. First, collect yourself.  You might breathe deeply and slowly or notice your feelings. Then, seek to understand the feedback. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Get curious. Next, take the time you need to recover before you evaluate the feedback. Lastly, examine what you were told, scouring for the kernels of truth. That’s where the learning and development comes from. Being caught off-guard with feedback isn’t fun, but it doesn’t have to be traumatic if you use these four skills.