Bring to mind a conflict at work, and you’ll probably have the perpetrator in mind: your incompetent boss, that passive-aggressive colleague, or the resource-hoarding peer in another department. We spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about these people, avoiding them, and fighting with them. But if you want to manage conflict in the workplace, you can’t start with someone else. Usually there isn’t just one culprit, and if you want less fighting and a more enjoyable, productive workplace, you have to understand your own role in it and what you can do to break a vicious cycle that starts with frustration and stress and ends with workplace wars.
A 3-Step Process to Break a Cycle of Frustration, Stress, and Fighting at Work
When we have a conflict at work, most of us blame the other person — an incompetent boss, a passive aggressive colleague, or the resource-hoarding peer in another department. But having fewer disagreements at work starts with working on yourself and breaking a cycle of frustration, stress, and conflict. Use a three-step process: Develop self-awareness about what’s causing your stress. Employ emotional self-control to manage negative feelings, see reality through a clear lens, and stop lashing out when you feel threatened. Lastly, build friendships at work but focusing less on what you get from your coworkers and more on what you can give. Mindfulness practices like yoga, meditation, deep breathing, and taking a solitary walk are invaluable when it comes to developing self-awareness, learning to manage our emotions, and short-circuiting the stress response.